after a 1-yr break

not sure how to restart a blog after taking a year-long break.  such is the craziness with 3 kids.  but this NEEDS to happen, b/c i need to catch these sweet memories of my children.

a couple things from the past that i keep forgetting to post.... 

1. i was WRONG about my last post!  case & i both separately talked to henry's teacher, got the details as best we could...and still misunderstood the situation.  henry threw a friend into a smaller, 3-ft high recycling bin.  now it makes more sense, right?  and now i can sleep at night, knowing i don't have a true superhero for a son.... (pshhh, i'm kidding.  i was just thinking that must have been some huge 6-ft snowpile or something that would have let them get up to the side of that dumpster!)  i should have posted this forever ago, but kept forgetting to.

2. a post i wrote last summer as i was finishing up a long bout of post partum depression:  i've been struggling a lot with this overwhelmed, kinda depressed, disconnected feeling for awhile now.  and i haven't been able to figure out where it's coming from.  is this just the way moms feel when they have three kids?  where i just kinda pretend to be happy, but am so often struggling with annoyance, frustration, and just living life in this Eeyore-like state?  no, it can't be.  and i'm needing a heart change, because of this... 

i see dear people in my life going through insanely difficult times.  dear people in my life are working to rebuild a marriage that was shattered into a million pieces....or crawling out of the slimy, painful pit of an abusive marriage...and yesterday a sweet family just lost their young husband/son to cancer.  a friend from college suddenly lost the life of her sweet son days ago.  there's a singular thread in all of these situations...these people are each experiencing an immense, deep joy despite their gut-wrenching, painful situations.  how can this be?  

they have put their unwavering hope in God...the truth of the Gospel.  and when you know that you are loved by someone that deeply, you respond by looking for the expressions of that love.  it's just natural.  so every single one of these dear people expectantly look for the sweet gifts offered by the Heavenly Father-- and they see the reality of all the gifts that He gives in each moment.

the gift of others comforting them in their pain
the gift of a few more treasured moments with a loved one
the gift of having a loved one in their lives
the gift of a God who cares & loves each of them

and i keep thinking...hopefully i'll be that strong in my faith if (or gulp...when) i go through such trials someday.  but if that's the case, shouldn't my gratitude & joy be even greater during these times of blessing in my life?  so what's my problem?  i'm ashamed to say that i can say "thanks, God" every day in prayers...."thanks for my husband & kids, thanks for my house, thanks for food, thanks for saving me, thanks for everything."  and i mean it....at least as much as i mean any feelings of gratitude.

here's what i'm learning.  i'm pretty shallow when it comes to gratitude.  discontent is at the root this-- and it's time to be honest with myself.  i need to learn what true gratitude looks like.  when i was little & would get in this funk, my dad would sit at my bedside.   he'd sing that old hymn Count Your Blessings & then have me list off various things that i'm thankful for.  and honestly, i don't do that often enough.  or i'll do it and get on a little gratitude kick for a few days or week...but then let it go.  i've been reading the book One Thousand Gifts & am encouraged to find someone else who started at a similar childlike spot of discontent as me.  and in order to start training herself to be grateful...she committed to writing out 1000 things that she's thankful for.

that's a huge number.  and honestly kinda scary.  i'm not always good at finishing big projects.  but i really want to figure out how to let these eyes be opened fully to the gifts i've been given.  if this is an area of my life that's holding me back from experiencing a deeper joy & will help me focus my eyes on God the way that i so desperately want them to be....then it's time i start this journey.  sometime soon i will share a bunch from my growing list...but here are a couple to start off.

my very own fireman, ready to fight fires at any time.  henry at the photo booth of his superhero party...at the last sec he switched from batman to fireman.

this blonde baby brings so much joy into our home!