in case your daughter ever shears herself...

you will feel...

1. shock.

2. horror.

3. more shock.

4. it will be hard to breathe. you will have to silently scream into your hand.  as you run around following the trail of large balls of long hair....you will wonder if this really could come from a head.  it's so much hair!  and it's truly creepy & unnerving to find it everywhere.

5.  other wild thoughts will fly into your head as possible explanations.  did some doll have hair this real & lifelike?  or maybe your eldest son's hair was longer than you had remembered...and you desperately hope you will find your older son looking like a skinhead.   was there a long-haired wild beast in your house...that henry hunted down & sheared?   any explanation seems to make more sense than the possibility that your daughter literally could have cut off THIS MUCH HAIR. 

6. as you gather the baby-fine, soft silky hair, you will feel like you're grieving the loss of your daughter's babyhood.  and you will almost not want to find her to see the new hairstyle.  a few tears will escape & fall down your cheeks.

7.  you will find the 3 yr old. female camped out in front of the tv, casually playing with her new haircut.  she especially likes poking at the ultra-short spiky spot at the front (previously known as bangs!)  she's pretty smug as she explains that she cut her hair like emily elizabeth's.  (clifford the big red dog...any fans out there?  i used to be.)  she's got those big brown eyes & a jaw set in prideful determination as she tells you.

8.  you will look at her in horror & wonder...how can this be fixed?  and you realize, it can't.  it will just be what it is.  and you study this new do.  you assess the damage: 
1) the scissors rested against the head as the bangs were cut...the only styling that could ever happen there now is a teeny bit of spiking with a bit of gel.  and you wonder how she didn't cut her scalp with how close to her head she placed those scissors! 
2) on the left....ooh, it's  a bit longer (2-3 inches) & kind of layered against the head.  we could work with this....
3) on the right.  darn.  one almost-bald spot where you can see the scalp (no lie!) and the rest of it is super short.  the left side will have to go, too. 
4) at the nape of the neck, the hair remains untouched...cascading down her back in one long, glorious MULLET.  for just barely a second you almost consider embracing the rural wisconsin dream...in a desperate effort to salvage any hair you can.  can monetary prizes be won for the longest mullet ever?....

9.  you desperately try to think of pros to the situation....
1) she's alive.  there was no playing with fire, drowning, electrocution, or jumping from high places involved.  no ER trips.  health is intact.
2) her ears are pierced.  at the time it was for fun, but maybe it was for such a time as this!
3) she's got wonderfully long & feminine eyelashes.  they might possibly be the longest hair on her body right now.  thank goodness for long, lush eyelashes!
4) that face is still so stinkin' cute.  and feminine.  she still is just as darling as ever. 

10.  you do the crazy salon visit....where the mullet is removed & a futile attempt to minimize the damage is executed.  stylists are barely containing their giggles (mixed with compassion)....and tell you they didn't truly believe the story over the phone.  you almost want to sneak back in after you leave to hear the snorting laughter you know will follow.  this incident will be the favorite salon topic for weeks.  on the way home you make plans to gather every last hair bow, skirt & pink item owned...in plans to make your daughter wear them every day for the next 6 months.  you wonder if a hair clip will even stay in hair this short.  you've never had to try before, because she came out of the womb with more hair on her head than she has now!  you groan that she happens to have a blue winter coat this year....and that she has chosen blue everything, because that is her favorite color right now.

11.  you start thinking crazy, silly thoughts.  i would have braided her soft, fine locks way more often had i known it would be gone so soon.  i should have caught more pictures of this stage...and would have had i known she'd suddenly be (almost) BALD.  and then you stop yourself & say the same thing you've been chanting to yourself the entire time...it's JUST hair. 

12.  wake-up call.  you remember the words you & your son had just been studying that morning together. 

{How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow?  Your life is like the morning fog-- it's here a little while, then it's gone.  James 4:14}

rather than grieve over hair any longer, it's time to scoop up these little ones & remember how fleeting these days are.  and you're only guaranteed this moment.  not anything more.  so you take that little pixie & hold her close.  affirming her & recognizing that she is also grieving.  she sheds a few tears as she realizes that she looks like a boy instead of emily elizabeth..."i just wanted to look beautiful!"  you tell her hair will grow & she can have that bob in a year.  (but then realize you're lying...it might take a couple years for her hair to grow that long!)  you nuzzle your face into her boy-short hair...inhaling deeply the unique little girl smell of your daughter.  and you remind her that she is beautiful because of who she is...not based on any outer things.  and you tell her that she honestly is making ultra-short hair look beautiful.

and you laugh to yourself.  thankful that today's grief was a laughable one over hair.  and knowing that life is full of pain.  real pain.  hurts that go deep, way deeper than we can imagine.  ones that God will comfort & bring healing to, but sometimes those hurts still ache until the very end.  and so you will be grateful.  for family that is alive & well.  for no deep losses right now.  and even when the deep griefs come someday, you decide that you will still find ways to be grateful.  for life beyond this life & every other good gift given. 

learning to be grateful starts now in the good times.  recognize you are grateful to be blessed way beyond what you deserve.  and you tell Him so.  because you know He loves to hear it & you need to say it.  and that just like a kid crawling up into your dad's lap, you desperately need to be near & nuzzle in to hear His heartbeat again.  only then are you ready to start another day.

yes, if you're at all like me...that is what you will go through if your daughter shears off all of her hair.  (almost all....i should not forget the mullet.)