one month

We just hit the one-month mark, and with that comes emotions that are all over the place.

Disappointment, & some frustration--  dreams of where Casey's healing would be by this point are not coming true.  We had dared to pray & hope for complete healing by now...or even for things to be at a much better spot.  And yet he continues to need to stay in bed most of the day, and he has to be so careful to not do too much physically or he pays dearly for it.  I get nervous when he's dared to go as far as to helping with dishes a few times, because I know that it will often send him straight to bed in exhaustion later.  Even having a conversation for more than just 5 minutes can be hard on him -- I am learning to try & watch his face and pick up on cues so that I don't have to keep his mind engaged for too long so he doesn't overdo it.  

Gratitude -- he is alive.  And we are deeply grateful.  His mind & ability to think is back (though slower) for weeks now.  He saw our town's lovely park of Christmas trees for the first time last week (it had been lit up for a month already) & was admiring its beauty....made me realize again that this poor man literally slept away almost a month of his life.  He has been catching up on what he's missed-- trying to soak it all in as he is able--- catching up on all of Lincoln's newest words & antics (most of them are raw & wild toddler madness!) --cuddling as he can with the kiddos to hear their latest endeavors & let them know they still have a dad who adores them.  He is slow & needs to be careful-- but he is here with us & we are grateful.

Most days this new stage has started to feel normal-- what a relief.  We are not struggling to remind the kids to be gentler with their dad, and our rearranged home now feels homey & normal to us.  Linc & Merian are even adjusted to sharing a room -- but the poor girl is trying out earplugs so she can ignore the baby babble he does sometimes as he falls asleep. :)  Poor Case is still working on whatever rhythm he can find-- but is continuing to learn to listen to his body as he also has enjoyed doing some little projects here & there.

And yet sometimes we are still in shock.  We joke that this is the worst conversation killer....sharing that mosquitoes in our local area have the potential to spread a disease like this one...the responses we receive are always that of shock.  Usually it's a horrified look on the kind friend or stranger-- with one or two follow-up questions...and then an almost mortified silence.  It's at that moment that we feel a renewed sense of shock ourselves.

Answers are still not quite here.  Blood has been sent to Mayo twice and both times he tested positive for West Nile, yet we just heard back today that he was negative for everything the state CDC tested, including being negative for West Nile.  Our doctor followed up by talking to the state epidemiologist who specializes in arboviral diseases, and she is now working on getting a blood sample sent to the national CDC headquarters for a different DNA-based test to do a final confirmation on the diagnosis.  The wait will be 3-4 weeks on those results.

So many of you are kindly asking how you can continue to help, and we thank you.  Case saves his little energy each day for a couple short visits with the kids & I each day--  he hasn't really done visitors yet.  But he does so very much appreciate all of the prayers, love & encouragement that has been sent his way-- THANK YOU.  The physical notes/cards are especially amazing (as his light-sensitive eyes don't have to look at a lit screen)-- and when he's awake he really has looked forward to reading the encouragement.  For those who have asked & we haven't seen in awhile-- here's our current address: 315 Oak St, Berlin, WI 54923.  

In the midst of the hard, God is gracious & good.  Case & I were just today counting all of the ways God has been so kind to us in the midst of allowing this to happen-- and we can't wait to share soon. 

We still don't have answers or a timeline,

but every day we wake up & press on.

We can struggle with feeling alone in the hard, 

but we get to have an amazing tribe that has rallied.

I want God to be here with me when things are good,

but I desperately know my need for God when things are hard.

We prayed God would use us to help the broken this Christmas,

and instead we get to understand what it is to be broken, 

to stand in it 

and experience

Immanuel

God is here.